Personal Accountability: Practical Steps to Transform Your Life

Is it time to take steps toward improving personal accountability? Sometimes we are in seasons where change seems unattainable. It is time to rest, hibernate, and wait for the return of the sun. I felt that way when my children were infants; as though I couldn’t focus on anything other than caring for a baby who needed me 24-hours a day, so personal growth was out of the question. In other seasons, we are more open to change. We have ideas, make plans, and get excited about the next chapter of life.

For the last couple of weeks I have focused on personal accountability. Living an accountable life is empowering. It boosts your self-esteem, and improves the quality of your relationships. Clearly there are benefits to being personally accountable.

Now we must ask: How do I accomplish personal accountability? What are the steps?

The Steps to Living Accountably

1. Determine and reflect upon your values
2. Recognize the rules of accountability
3. Adjust your thoughts
4. Adjust your body language
5. Be patient, and allow yourself to make mistakes

It is easier to become personally accountable if you have high self-awareness. These steps improve self-awareness, so that you can choose how to act, rather than running on autopilot. Shifting into conscious choice illuminates areas of your life where you can take responsibility for yourself.

How do I determine my values?

Living accountably requires that you live within your values. It follows, then, that to do this, you must first know what your values are.

I once heard values compared to ketchup. Some people like ketchup, some people don’t, and your preference doesn’t impact whether you are a good or bad person. In the same way, some values will be more important to you than they are to other people. That doesn’t mean that other people are better or worse than you are. It simply means that you make your decisions based on different values.

Steps to determine values:

Determining your values is pretty easy these days, thanks to modern technology. Check out this website, which helps you quickly narrow a list of 52 values to your top five.

If you prefer a printable list, Brene Brown shares this one on her website. Read through the list, and circle anything that stands out as important to you. Ask yourself “What I make decisions, is it important to me that I consider this value?” Try to end with no more than five top values. If you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself “If I was making an important life decision, and the decision could only honour one of these values, which one would I prioritize?”

Living accountably requires living in a way that aligns with your values. Once you have determined your values, reflect on your current life. Are there areas where you are compromising your values? What parts of your life are your proud of? What actions can you take to cultivate or strengthen alignment with your values? Reflecting helps you hone alignment, and an accountable person is someone who lives a life aligned with their personal values.

What are the rules of accountability?

If you are going to live accountably, you need to understand what that means. Being accountable is about being responsible for yourself, and giving up control of others. It requires an understanding of communication, boundaries, and human worth. If I had to define “rules,” this is what I would list:

• Everyone has worth and deserves to be treated well, regardless of their choices or behaviours.
• You must treat yourself well rather than criticising or degrading yourself.
• How you behave is a reflection of you, not a reflection of others. Likewise, how others behave is a reflection of them, and says nothing about you.
• An accountable person focuses on what they can control, and respects the right of others to make their own decisions.
• An accountable person only takes responsibility for what they can control – their thoughts, their responses,

How do I change my thoughts?

Do you believe that you can change your thoughts? You don’t have to be a master of meditation to change the way that you think. The key to changing your thoughts is recognizing that your thoughts don’t have meaning until you choose to give them meaning.

People who are accountable recognize and take responsibility for their thoughts, because they know that their thoughts directly impact their emotions and behaviours. Taking responsibility for their thoughts is key to taking responsibility for themselves.

There are actually two ways to change your thoughts and emotional responses: by changing your thinking, or by changing your body language/physiology. In psychology, we call these approaches “top-down” and “bottom-up.”

Top-down approach to change

A top-down approach means that you consciously change the way you think (thoughts are in your brain, which is at the top of your body), which results in a change to your physiological responses.

Here’s an example: close your eyes, and imagine that you are outside, in a snowstorm, wearing only a t-shirt and jeans.

Did you feel the urge to shiver? Your body responded to your thoughts.

How you think is directly related to how you feel, how your behave, and how your body reacts. When you practice choosing your thoughts, you increase your mental flexibility.

Here is a helpful exercise:

Sitting in a quiet and private space, set a five minute timer. For those five minutes, allow your mind to drift. As a thought arises, say to yourself, “I am having the thought that…. ” Once you have recognized the thought, allow it to drift away. Imagine that the thought is outside of your body, floating through the air. Continue to do this until your timer goes off. This practice improves your awareness of your thoughts, as well as your ability to let go of unwanted thoughts.

Bottom-up approach to change

Some people struggle to visualize their thoughts. Thankfully, there is another way to change your thinking: change what your body is doing.

Your body language and physiological responses have an incredibly strong impact on your thoughts. I imagine that you know what it is like to be “hangry.” The physiological experience of being hungry impacts your mood, and impacts your thoughts. You can use the connection between your body and your thoughts to change how you think. Here is how:

1. Be mindful of your body language, and do the opposite. If you are feeling angry, and you want to clench your fists or cross your arms, purposefully open your hands, and face the palms up. If you are feeling shy, or unconfident, you probably slouch and look at the floor. Raise your gaze, and straighten your shoulders.
2. Pace your breathing. As cliche as it is to tell someone to focus on their breathing, there is a reason why we talk about it. When you are stressed, upset, scared, or angry, your breathing becomes more shallow. Taking deeper, slower breaths tells your brain that your body is relaxing (even if it isn’t). Your brain will then shift out of stress-mode, and tell the rest of your body to relax. When you are in a relaxed state, your brain sends you happier thoughts.
3. Adjust your temperature and body movement. Just as your breathing changes when you are stressed, upset, angry, or scared, so does your body temperature and muscle tension. Force your body to cool down by drinking ice water, taking a cold shower, or putting an ice-pack on your face. Loosen your muscles by doing light stretching, and wiggling your body as though you were doing a silly dance. It might sound ridiculous, but it tells your brain that you aren’t in danger, which allows your brain to relax.
4. Laugh, and then laugh some more. Laughter is one of the best ways to relax your body. If you are feeling stressed, and you notice that your mood or thoughts are darker because of the stress, put on your favourite comedy special. Laughing relaxes you, and your thoughts should become more light-hearted the more than you laugh.

Physical changes have a profound impact on the human mind. If mindfulness isn’t working for you, try a bottom-up approach instead.

How quickly can I change?

As important as accountability is, it is also important to create sustainable change. No human is perfect; we are all works in progress. The most realistic change is slow change.

You may be in a season where change feels hopeful, and if you are, I am hopeful that this post helps you determine your next steps. To keep things realistic, choose one small change as a starting point. Ask yourself: If I made a change that helped me become 2% more accountable, what would that change be?

Creating change in isolation can be difficult. I encourage you to find someone to talk to about your desire to change. That person could be a trusted friend, or a Registered Clinical Counsellor. Counsellors have studied psychology, and know how to help identify patterns that are keeping you stuck.

At True Peace Counselling, we help clients develop a foundational understanding of human worth because we know that when a person understands that their self-worth is nonnegotiable, their mental health drastically improves. If you would like to work on becoming more accountable, considering booking a session with a True Peace Counselling counsellor.

Practicing personal accountability is transformative. You deserve to feel confident in yourself, and proud to live according to your values. You will see tremendous change if you commit to small steps toward a more accountable life.

Disclaimer: The content of this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not meant to substitute the advice or diagnosis of a medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or your own therapist. True Peace Counselling counsellors work virtually with adult clients who reside in British Columbia, Canada, and some offer in-person sessions in Victoria’s Westshore.