Do you struggle with new situations? I know I do. Before I became a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I worked at a local men’s shelter. Before my first shift I was so nervous that I wanted to call it quits before I even started. The job was entirely new to me, and I had no idea what to expect. I’m truly glad that I persevered, because the experience of working with the men who stayed at the shelter taught me more about mental health, compassion, and the impacts of trauma than any course or textbook could have ever taught me.
Starting therapy can also be difficult, anxiety inducing, and awkward. If you don’t know what to expect from counselling therapy, then you may feel tempted to quit before you even start. True Peace Counselling offers virtual counselling services to people in BC; especially to people who are tired of living the same life pattern without change. Even with potential for positive change, if you don’t know what to expect from counselling, you may be hesitant to start.
In this series, “Debunking Counselling Myths,” I will address common misconceptions and assumptions about what it is like to talk to a Registered Clinical Counsellor, starting with an overview of what a typical counselling experience may be like. Keep in mind that counselling is a unique experience, so this is not a prescriptive description. This description is a generalization that describes what I have noticed in my six years of being a counselling professional.
Something that helps me when I am facing the unknown is to try to imagine what the experience may realistically be like. Anxiety aside, what expectations are realistic for when I do something new, like starting a new job? In those mindful moments, I can recognize that it is unrealistic to expect my new colleagues to laugh at me for being incompetent, or that my new bosses will roll their eyes and question why they hired me. Taking a moment to confront anxiety helps release the burden.
Without further ado, this is what you can reasonably expect if you are considering seeing a Registered Clinical Counsellor.
Myths About Counselling Therapy
With counselling, there are a lot of myths that paint an incorrect picture of what it is like to see a counsellor.
Some of these myths are perpetuated by Hollywood (oh boy, don’t even get me started on how erroneously popular media portrays therapy!), while other myths come from people who have grown up with the beliefs that dismiss the importance of mental health.
As someone who has been on both sides of the counselling situation (client and therapist), let me tell you that the following myths don’t hold truth:
- Talking to a counsellor is the same as talking to a family member or a friend.
- Talking to a counsellor is an opportunity to cry and feel heard, but it won’t really change anything.
- Counsellors are in it for the money.
- For therapy to work, I have to see a counsellor every week for years.
- All counsellors are the same.
- If I see a counsellor, people will think I am crazy.
For the rest of this series, I will address these myths and more. In general, myths about therapy can be addressed by answering the following questions:
- What does a Registered Clinical Counsellor do?
- Does counselling therapy actually work? And if it does, how does it work?
- How can I expect my counsellor to behave?
What are the stages of counselling?
I describe working with a Registered Clinical Counsellor as having three phases. Every client’s individual journey will be different, but in general, this is what I have noticed about the trajectory for change. The three stages are what I call 1) The Introductory Stage, 2) The “Woah, things are changing” Stage, and 3) The Let’s Make Sure It Sticks Stage.
The Introductory Stage of Working with a Registered Clinical Counsellor
The introductory stage is the time it takes for you to become comfortable in the counselling space, and getting used to the counselling process. Whether you have worked with a Registered Clinical Counsellor in the past, or this is your first time trying therapy, it takes time to feel comfortable working with your counsellor.
The Introductory stage usually lasts for the consultation, and the first couple of sessions.
Consultation. During the consultation, you talk to the counsellor about why you are choosing to start counselling therapy. The counsellor will confirm that they work with the issues you are interested in discussing, and then you will have an opportunity to ask the counsellor questions. You do not have to have questions to book a consultation. I estimate that only 50% of the clients that book consultations with me have questions. The consultation is an opportunity to “vibe check” your counsellor. If the vibe feels good, you book a full session.
First session. During your first full session, the counsellor will take some time to explain the counselling process, and to talk about what you can expect from the counsellor. Next you talk about the reason you are seeing a Registered Clinical Counsellor, and the counsellor will probably ask about background information.
The first session is mostly an opportunity for you and your counsellor to get to know one another. You get a sense of their demeanour, and they learn more about your history and desires.
Subsequent sessions. In the session or two that follows the first session, you start to get used to the counselling process. I have found that clients sometimes need to adjust to the idea that the therapy hour is all about them. The counsellor’s stories and personal life don’t come into play. Sometimes a counsellor may share a short anecdote as a way to show that they relate to their client, but ultimately the session is focused on you.
During these subsequent sessions, you are also coming to terms with the idea that you can challenge your thoughts, and try new things. We are often so used to the patterns in our lives that we don’t realize that something can change. Coming to therapy can open your eyes to the idea that things don’t have to be the way that they currently are.
Another piece that some people find awkward about therapy is the compassionate tone. To some people this seems strange. How can it be difficult to adjust to compassion? But for others, compassion is a new language, and having someone address them with compassion feels alarming or awkward. If this is you, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t well suited for therapy. It means that compassion is a new language for you, and it will take a bit of time to adjust.
The Middle Stage – “Woah, Things Are Changing!”
As a counsellor, one of my favourite moments is when a client says to me “I tried the thing we talked about, and it actually worked!” When I hear this, I know that we have shifted into the next stage of therapy: “Woah, Things are Changing.”
A deciding factor in this stage is your trust in the counsellor, and the counselling process. In this phase, you explore more vulnerable topics, and take steps to create change in your personal life. You are more willing to do this because you trust that your counsellor is there to support you. Having that support creates a sense of courage that you may not have accessed before.
The middle stage is full of learning and growth. As a client, you learn a bit about psychology and how your brain works, which helps you develop a greater sense of self-awareness. It is in this stage that you might explore your personal history, become aware of your inner dialogue, and challenge core beliefs that have been impacting you. You might learn skills that will help you heal relationships, but more importantly, you will learn how to relate to yourself.
In the middle stage, you take the time to heal old wounds. Wounding can happen because of past abuse or neglect, but it can also happen from any level of childhood stress, even if you came from a happy and secure family. We are complicated human beings, and as children we don’t have the capacity to make sense of the world in the same way that we can as adults. We get wounded, and as adults, healing those wounds can help us move forward with life.
The middle stage of therapy is a lot of work. The sessions can be quite emotional and deep, but they are also laced with hope. A skilled counsellor will keep a thread of hope alive throughout the sessions, because you need to know that positive change is not only possible, but actually happening.
The Final Stage – Let’s make sure it sticks
I recently had a client log in for session, and when I asked him how he was doing, he said “I’m actually doing really well.” In that moment, I knew this session marked the transition to the final stage of therapy “Let’s make sure it sticks” (also known as the “maintenance” phase, but that sounds much more boring).
In the “Let’s Make Sure It Sticks” phase, you see your counsellor less frequently; roughly once per month, or even every 6 weeks. During your sessions, you talk about the progress you have noticed, and you discuss any tricky moments where you weren’t sure how to handle a situation. For example, if you have been seeing a therapist for anxiety, and now you’re doing “really well, actually,” you might think it is a tricky moment when your mom calls and suddenly you feel anxious again. Having those feelings come rushing back can cause you to question whether the therapy really worked! In session, you will discuss what happened, and realize that you have learned to handle the situation pretty well on your own.
In this third phase, I notice that clients answer their own questions much more frequently. They will bring up a situation for discussion and ask me my thoughts. I will ask them what they think, and they will answer in almost the same way I would have, if I had chosen to answer first. When this kind of thing happens, you start to feel more confident about the changes in your life. They are sticking.
Conclusion
What happens after stage 3? If you’re like most people, you wrap up counselling. You become busy with your life, and you realize that a regular counselling session no longer needs to be a priority. As your counsellor, I am excited for you! In our final session, we will talk about the progress you have made, and the plans you have to maintain the progress. I will tell you that you are always welcome to return if you need it, and if you need it, you will return. The beauty of having a counsellor that you trust is that you are confident that you have someone to support you in the future if the need arises.
Of course not every client moves through these stages in precise order. The introductory stage tends to be the same for most people, but the middle and final stages can fluctuate. Sometimes clients move into the “Let’s make sure it sticks” phase for a while, and then a new issue presents itself, so they move back into the “Woah, things are changing” phase. Everyone’s path is unique.
If you are someone who is thinking about working with a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I hope that this post moves you. The counselling journey is meaningful, and it can create deeply rewarding changes in your life. Push through the awkward introductory phase, and see how exciting the “Woah, things are changing!” phase is. Finally, when you get to the final stage, you will hear yourself say “I’m actually doing really well,” and your therapist will smile, knowing that you have ascended a mountain. Once upon a time it felt unrealistic to imagine that your life could change, but now here you are, realizing that counselling sessions don’t need to be such a priority in your schedule anymore.
If you are looking for a Registered Clinical Counsellor, and you live in British Columbia, check out our Team page. We have warm, welcoming counsellors who will gladly walk through this journey alongside you. Book your free consultation today.
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