In my last post, I wrote about how executive functioning is impacted by ADHD, and how that impacts ADHD dads. Today I am going to share skills and strategies that greatly help ADHD dads manage in a neurotypical world.
Some of the issues that ADHD dads experience are being overwhelmed with information and not knowing where to start a task (“activation” issues), and not being able to focus when they attempt to task (focus issues). Another issue ADHD dads commonly face is getting out of the house on time in the morning, and making sure they have all the things they need for their day before leaving for work. Let’s face it, it really sucks to get to your office and realize that you forgot your office keys.
The following skills and strategies should help ADHD dads manage those struggles.
Brain dump
The brain dump is an exercise that ADHDers use when there is too much information bouncing around their minds. First, find a piece of paper, or use a notepad app on your phone, tablet or laptop. Determine the topic that is exhausting your mind (for example: Things I need to do; My plans for growing my business; Things I want to do on vacation), and then write down everything that comes to mind on the topic.
A brain dump is not a to-do list, although it can be a helpful way to sort out priorities. The purpose of the brain dump is to free up space in your mind, and to increase your overall energy. It takes a lot of work to continuously cycle through thoughts, and the ADHD brain loves to give you the same thoughts over and over. Writing the thoughts down helps quiet the mind, giving you space to move forward.
If you are struggling to start a task, try doing a brain dump of all the thoughts that bounce around your mind when you think about the task. For instance, if you want to clean up the yard this weekend, but every time you try to clean up the yard, you get stuck trying to decide if you should rake the leaves first or if you should make a trip to the dump first, then a brain dump about getting the yard in order will be very helpful.
Evaluating Priorities
Once you have completed a brain dump, you can look at the information on the page and order the information in terms of priority. A great system is organize the information into these four categories:
- Urgent and important
- Important but not yet urgent
- Urgent but not important
- Neither urgent nor important
Once you have prioritized what tasks need to get done first, it is a lot easier to start the work.
Body doubling
Body doubling is the term ADHDers use to describe doing a task with someone else in the same space as you. You don’t have to be doing the same task as the other person, but simply having another person in the same space as you are is mentally stimulating enough to help the ADHD mind focus. When it is time to do boring tasks, body doubling is very helpful.
If you are sitting down to do your taxes, body doubling would look like having your partner do their taxes at the same time as you, or having a friend read a book next to you while you work. The person isn’t there to interact with you much, and their presence serves as a form of accountability. They are a constant reminder to you of the task you are meant to be doing, so that when you inevitably get distracted, you are immediately reminded to refocus.
Activity Stacking
Activity Stacking is when you are doing more than one thing at a time. For example, if you are cleaning out the garage, you might put a podcast episode on so that you have something interesting to listen to while you are doing the mindless task of tidying the garage.
The ADHD brain is constantly seeking stimulation, which is why less than exciting tasks are so genuinely challenging for ADHDers. When you use activity stacking, your mind is engaged by the second activity, but you are still able to accomplish the important task at hand. This is why so many ADHD students doodle while listening to a lecture – sitting and listening is nearly impossible for the ADHD brain, but doodling is a second activity that stimulates the brain just enough that the student can focus.
As a dad and partner, you may use activity stacking when engaging with your kids or partner. If sitting down for an important conversation with your partner leads to your mind drifting, no matter how hard you try to focus, ask your partner if they will have the conversation while you go for a walk together.
Checklists and Drop Spots
If you are the ADHD dad who is known for chaotic mornings where you run around trying to gather all your things before you jump in the car to leave for work, these strategies are for you.
Make a checklist of everything that you have to do in the morning. Then, time yourself while you do those tasks. Do not simply estimate how much time the task will take, because you will certainly estimate incorrectly (ADHD people are famously time-blind). Once you have recorded your time, print off your morning routine, and hang it somewhere easy to see. Following the list in the morning helps you successfully accomplish all the things you need to do before work, and it reduces stress because you no longer have to waste energy trying to remember what to do next.
A drop spot is a specific place where you leave important items, like keys and your lunch bag, if you use a lunch bag. Having items live in a specific spot means that you don’t have to search for them every morning. They are exactly where they belong, and when your morning routine checklist tells you it is time to grab your keys, you can confidently go to the drop spot to retrieve your keys.
Conclusion
Being an ADHD dad isn’t always easy, and sometimes the ways that ADHD impacts your executive functioning can be downright frustrating. It takes time and energy to practice the skills and to implement strategies that help you function in an neurotypical world. Sometimes it may feel like being an ADHDer means that you are flawed, but this is not so. Your brain functions differently than your neurotypical counterpart, so you weren’t taught the skills that would help your mind thrive. Practicing these skills and strategies should help.
If you’re struggling with ADHD, counselling can help. In a counselling session, we may discuss skills and strategies like the ones I wrote about above, as well as functionally analyzing your unique situation to determine the best ways that you can structure your life. I offer free consultations, so please book today*.
*This invitation extends to people in Canada, due to international regulation differences. If you are not in Canada, please reach out to a local counsellor for support.
Disclaimer: The content of this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not meant to substitute the advice or diagnosis of a medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. If you are concerned that you may have Perinatal/Postpartum Depression, or another Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder, please contact a doctor or public health unit for assessment.
Kala McKenzie is a Registered Clinical Counsellor in Victoria, British Columbia. She holds a Master’s Degree in Counselling Psychology, has specialized training in perinatal mental health, and is a member of the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors. If you are an adult living in BC and interested in counselling with Kala, book a complimentary consultation here.
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