Practical Tips for Postpartum Mental Wellness

Over the past couple of posts, I have outlined the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression; provided education about other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, such as postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD; and shared about the postpartum rage experience. All of these are important pieces of a pregnant or postpartum parent’s mental health, and today I would like to go one step further. Today we will talk about life factors that impact your mental health, and ways that you can take care of your mental health while also caring for a tiny human.

What impacts my mental health?

There are a lot of factors that promote mental wellness. A 2022 article from the Government of Canada lists the following:

• Feeling in control of your life and personal decisions
• being able to cope with life’s challenges and stresses
• functioning well mentally, such as being able to focus
• being generally optimistic about life events
• feeling physically healthy
• getting enough sleep
• feeling like you belong to your community

Having a new baby can challenge all of these factors. Obviously if you are the pregnant person, your physical health will change. Your body grows and stretches to accommodate your baby, and after the baby is born, it takes time for your body to adjust to the postpartum phase. The changes aren’t necessarily bad, but your physical body is changed, and that in itself can temporarily take a toll on your mental wellness.

Although you are still in control of your life and personal decisions, it can feel like you’re not. You may decide that you will go out for coffee with a friend, but then your baby cries for the entire outing, making it feel like you don’t have control over the situation. You may already know that you cannot control other people, but you may not have realized that your baby counts as “other people.”

Being pregnant can be an exhausting experience, so even before the baby is born, you may be losing sleep. Not having enough sleep wreaks havoc on our mental wellness. It impacts our ability to focus, be emotionally resilient, cope with stress, and feel optimistic. Add to that the fact that babies can be particular about their nap schedules, and community events always seem to happen exactly at naptime, and your sense of belonging to community can suffer.

This is a pretty difficult list to face. How do we find hope when our little bundles of joy seem to be causing more chaos than joy?

Practical Steps

Postpartum planning. One very practical and very helpful step is to create a postpartum plan. A postpartum plan outlines who your support team will be during the postpartum period, and how your practical needs will be met during the first couple of months after baby is born. In my next post, I’ll go into more detail about creating a postpartum plan.

Reconsider areas of control. As I mentioned earlier, you cannot control your baby, and because your baby is your main focus during this time, it can feel like not being able to control your baby is the equivalent of not having any control over anything.

If you’re feeling frustrated from lack of control, take a moment to re-centre. Make a list (mentally, digitally, or using pen & paper), of some things that you do control. The items on the list may seem insignificant, but knowing that they exist matters. Some examples of things you control might be what coffee mug you use; whether you are sitting or standing; what clothes you wear (until baby spits up on your shirt, and then you get to control what shirt you change into); what clothes your baby is wearing; how deeply you are breathing.

Breathe. Speaking of breathing, I wouldn’t be a very good counsellor if I didn’t mention breath during a mental wellness blog post. It may sound cliché, but focusing on your breath genuinely helps increase calm in your body. If you feel up for it, you can pair your breathing with a mantra. For example, saying to yourself “If I’m breathing then I’m okay” as you focus on taking some deep breaths can remind you that this stage of life won’t last forever, and even if you are uncomfortable, your survival needs are being met in the moment.

Allow yourself to be grumpy. When you’re a parent, it can feel like everyone expects you to be happy or grateful all the time, as you bounce your baby in your arms and they coo over how cute your kiddo is. And cute your baby may be, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are a likely sleep-deprived human who is being stretched mentally, emotionally, and physically. You are allowed to be grumpy. It is normal for you to feel grumpy, and being grumpy does not make you ungrateful or a bad parent.

Allowing yourself to feel grumpy helps you recognize your personal needs. When we feel grumpy, our body is telling us that we have unmet needs. We often resist admitting to our grumps because being grumpy often comes with the urge to snap at people, slam doors, or throw things. Allowing yourself to feel grumpy does not include allowing yourself to treat others poorly, but it does include giving yourself the space to take care of your needs as much as you possibly can.

Schedule sleep. Sleep can be so hard to come by when you’re the parent of an infant, or even when you’re pregnant. Scheduling sleep may seem odd, but in this phase of life it is a helpful step. When you make a sleep schedule, try to be realistic – can you nap when the baby naps, or do you have a toddler to take care of during that time? Is it possible for a friend to come over to watch your littles while you sleep for an hour? If you have a partner, can you take turns sleeping while the other manages the kiddo(s)? The nature of life as a parent of young ones is that life is unpredictable, so your sleep schedule may have to be flexible, but having specific time set aside for rest is a big help nonetheless.

Move your body. Notice that I didn’t say “exercise.” If you want to go to the gym or do an at-home yoga video, that’s great. If you’re feeling too overwhelmed to even think about changing into workout gear, that’s fine too. During this phase of life, we aren’t looking for structured exercise so much as we are needing body movement. That might look like putting on your favourite tunes and having a dance party, or walking to the mailbox and back. Parking father way from the store in the parking lot gives you a bit farther to walk, and increases your body movement. This isn’t about weight loss or building muscle, it is about feeling at home in your body, which is more likely to happen if you are moving it regularly.

Get outside. Similar to moving your body, getting outside isn’t meant to be a stressful “to do” item. Going outside can be as simple as stepping out of your front door and breathing fresh air for five minutes. The important bit is that you leave the four walls the make up your home and connect with the outside world. Being inside all day makes the world feel really small, which is disastrous for our mental health. Step outside, breathe fresh air, and remind yourself that there is more to life than a crying baby.

Connect with community. Parenting can be incredibly isolating, as you tailor your life to meet the needs of the next generation. As much as possible, try to make regular social connections within your community. At the very least, going through the in-person check out line at the grocery store gives you another adult to greet. Most communities will also have parenting groups that meet regularly, or you can invite a friend to meet you for coffee.

Conclusion

Early parenthood is a very unique time of life, full of really high highs, and very low lows. Welcoming a baby to the world is a very big adjustment, and such big changes naturally impact your mental wellness. You are important, and your mental health matters! As you consider your current life situation, I hope you take time to reflect on small ways that you can support your mental wellness as you also support your baby.

Disclaimer: The content of this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not meant to substitute the advice or diagnosis of a medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. If you are concerned that you may have Perinatal/Postpartum Depression, or another Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder, please contact a doctor or public health unit for assessment.